"Thanks for this piece! I just sent a link to it to everyone in my address book. Ms. LaBounty has compiled a timeless 'holiday primer' that everyone should not only read, but also take to heart and try to adopt as a way of life throughout the year."

So because of all the Dawn Meyers out there, we're thrilled to bring you Kerry's Ten Ways To Have A Happy Holiday Season (Really!) one more time.


Dear GoodLetter readers,

1. Don't "should" on yourself.
The holidays are a time of year when we think it reasonable to expect even more of ourselves than usual. Try to remember that no one can make you serve a 12-course meal to 15 people -- you can choose not to, and believe it or not, your guests will live and even have a good time. If you don't enjoy sending holiday cards, don't. Or send meaningful handwritten cards to a few people. If you send cards or those one page "our life in a minute" letters to people that you keep in touch with once a year, re-think your policy and decide that the holiday season isn't the time to do that. Try February when people feel the winter blahs and would love to have a contact from an old friend. Remember that you possess free will and do not have to attend every holiday party that you are invited to. When you realize that "shoulds" are usually internal pressures or somebody else's agenda rather than objective or true facts, it becomes easier to do away with them.

2. Change your gift-giving practice.
This year, money is on everyone's mind more than usual. Perhaps this is the year to start picking names amongst family and friends or choose to donate to a charity as a group. Or play "Dutch Santa." This is where each person picks a name that they keep secret, buys a small gift and then makes the wrapping of the gift be somehow representative of the person to whom the gift is being given. Each person then tries to guess who picked their name. One year, a friend of mine was re-doing her house, so I bought her a couple of books that she would like. I then made a small house out of foam core, decorated it inside and out and placed the books inside. The time spent thinking of the gift and making it was as fun as her reaction to the gift. How wonderful it is to have someone really think of you, not just fulfill an obligation. The whole thing doesn't have to be elaborate, just thoughtful -- and, of course, funny is always appreciated!

3. Plan ahead.
The holiday season can be fun and manageable if you think ahead. Take some time to think of what you would like to get done and when you would like to have it done by. Don't wait until the last minute and rush around unless you enjoy the bustle and the crowds. And if you do enjoy those things, admit it and feel free to run around and enjoy the craziness. Don't feel that you need to commiserate or pretend to be stressed for the sake of others. Wear your enjoyment proudly. Besides, who really wants to listen to another person complain about all they have to do? Cook what you can in advance, wrap as you go, stock up on what you need to entertain, and then enjoy.

4. Take time.
Sit still, turn off the lights (except for the Hanukkah candles, the Christmas tree lights, or your fireplace), breathe deeply, and soak in the quiet and the beauty. Remember to continue to exercise (I am assuming that, of course, you already do exercise to take care of yourself), or take baths or walk the dog -- whatever will get you out of your own head and away from stressed or obsessive thoughts. Stop and just look around you wherever you are and really notice what's there -- are you outside breathing in fresh air, are you inside an office listening to the sounds of your colleagues at work, or are you really looking at the faces of the people in the grocery store? Taking real note of any of these things will ground you and perhaps help you connect with this life, the one that you are living right now, not the one you are waiting to have. Time will seem precious to you. There is enough time and if you feel that there isn't, be brave enough to drop some of your "obligations" and then use that time well.

5. Attitude.
Sport your best positive attitude this year instead of fostering self-fulfilling dread of the holidays. Recognize that you can choose how you will approach this time of year, how you interpret what happens to you at this time, and most importantly, how you act and react to any given situation. One of the hardest things to acknowledge is that we have control of our experience of our life. Not every circumstance in our life, but how we experience and cope with any given circumstance. Your attitude is your best fortification to face whatever you find in front of you. Choose to have a good time no matter what and be surprised by that self-fulfilling prophecy.

6. Be grateful.
Along the lines of the power of attitude is the joy of gratefulness. Most of us have so much to be grateful for and even if you're not sure you do, you do. Living with a sense of gratitude for nothing specific and everything all at once will fill you with a feeling of abundance, regardless of your material wealth or your immediate life circumstance. I have met individuals with no money, little education, and poor health who carry with them an air of internal abundance that some of my smartest, wealthiest, and best-educated friends may never know. There is enough in the world for all of us and because I am able to recognize this, I am grateful. What are you grateful for this year? Think hard. Keep looking until you find at least 50 things.

7. Be sensitive and aware.
Not everyone celebrates Christmas. I think sometimes we forget this. Starting at Halloween, Christmas becomes ubiquitous. Many merchants count on the Christmas sales to get them through the slow parts of the year, so they begin playing carols and they never seem to stop. This can be wearing on everyone, but especially for those people who do not take part in the holiday. This would be a good time to educate yourself about the people you come into contact with -- how do they pass this season of darkness to the coming light? Do they celebrate Solstice, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or any of a number of other traditional rituals? How can you honor them now? What rituals might you incorporate into your celebrations that will widen your concept of this time of year? My partner is Jewish. I am Unitarian Universalist via a Christian background. We light Hanukkah candles and sing. We have a Christmas tree and sit together before it with only its small white lights glowing in the dark. We make Christmas cookies in the shape of the Star of David. We laugh. We understand that these holidays are very different and do not try to make our celebration a cloudy version of either tradition. What we are trying to do is to honor each other's traditions and take part in them as we can. What about you?

8. Stop being so serious.
This holiday season is supposed to be FUN. Joyful, joyful and all that. Only you can make sure that you have laughter and silliness in your days. If you're not, how come? Holidays are meant to be an opportunity to take a break from the regular routine and SIT DOWN for a while. Let there be some play and lightness around you. When you find yourself getting upset or taking something personally, ask yourself, 'Does this really matter?' Most often, it doesn't. It's just that our expectations weren't somehow met and we have to deal with that. Remember, some of the best holiday stories come from times when something went awry. Think of what a great story you'll have to tell and laugh now. And for heaven's sake, leave the martyr suit in the closet (especially if you are the one orchestrating the holiday celebration). Ask for what you need. Ultimately, you will have a better time and so will all the people with whom you come into contact.

9. Be kind and patient.
If everyone acted with kindness and patience, much of the world's pain would disappear. If you wait until the last minute to shop, try not to become impatient with the cashier who has to deal with you and all of your other last minute compadres. Be kind to the people whose work around the holidays makes your life easier -- think about who these people might be and thank them and then remember to thank them again next week and then in January and February. In addition, your family will probably not have changed the way they interact much since last holiday season, so thank them (silently) for providing you with opportunities to practice your patience skills. Act with genuine kindness and see what happens, even if at first there's no response. If it's genuine on your part, the kindness will multiply around you. If it doesn't, first check to make sure you really mean it. If you do, then congratulate yourself for maintaining a standard of how you want to behave, regardless of how anyone else chooses to live his or her life.

10. Enjoy.
I wear a ring inscribed with the words "THE MOMENT IS NOW." These words remind me and motivate me to live the life I want now. I invite you to do the same and cultivate that which brings you joy.

:: Kerry LaBounty

Kerry D. LaBounty, LICSW, is a personal and business coach with ClearView Coaching. She welcomes any comments or questions about coaching and what it can add to your life. Her Web site is currently under construction, but if you would like more information, she can be reached via e-mail to GoodThings.


(Thoughts on Kerry's list? Inspired by what you've read? E-mail us -- don't forget to tell us your name, where you're from, and if we can use your words in a future GoodLetter or on our Web site.)


TALK ABOUT IT
How do you make your holidays meaningful? How would you add to Kerry's list? Share your thoughts and ideas.

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
You've already gotten the "Do Something About It" part this week! Consider putting some of Kerry's ideas in action, and while you're at it, be like Dawn Meyer and try sharing Kerry's list with your friends and family. Who knows? It could make all the difference this year.

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