"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
-- Edith Wharton
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"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." -- Edith Wharton
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Get Involved
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September 8, 2008 | |||||||
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 Fall On Me by Jennifer Hixson Posted May 23, 2002 How important are the bonds of family? At the beginning of life on her own, a recent college graduate remembers her unique family's grace under pressure. NEW Reader Responses are a goodthing! Join the conversation! Fellow GoodLetter readers, In an age of digital communication, people have become accustomed to keeping in touch with relatives mostly over the phone or via e-mail. The luckiest of families are able to live close to each other and, even fewer of them, with each other. I grew up living across the street from my grandparents and my aunt, so we saw each other almost every day. It wasn't until we all moved in together, though, that I really began to see how important each of them was to shaping the way I've grown up. Friends of mine complain about their "crazy relatives" and how they could never live with them the way our family has lived together for over ten years. But I've definitely had my horizons broadened. If I had only lived with my parents and sister, I would have never gained such an appreciation for our ancestry, college football, swing music, or a good Bob Hope or Bing Crosby movie. That extra "layer" of family has combined the experiences and values of different generations, not only providing enrichment for all of us but also support during the most chaotic of times. Nearly twenty years ago, when my aunt, Holly, was 15 years old, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a disease that attacks the central nervous system. You wouldn't have even known it to look at her. By the time she entered college, everyone in my family had nearly forgotten about her disease since she was constantly on the go. What's scary, though, is that it's not clear what causes MS or when its symptoms will strike. I think that's why it hit all of us so hard. When it first struck Holly, she had just finished her political science degree and held a full-time job. Her legs had weakened, and she joked that she felt like she was three years old again, relearning the whole process of walking. Living in our extended-family home (with my parents, sister, grandparents, aunt and great-uncle), she had plenty of support from all sides. We kept our fingers crossed that this would be the worst of it, and that with regular exercise to strengthen her legs, she would return to normal. But soon, she lost both her job and her long-time boyfriend, who couldn't deal with her MS. The stress began to take its toll, not only on Holly but also on all of our emotions. The once happy-go-lucky girl had become moody and reclusive, too embarrassed to go out to public restaurants because her hands shook so much when she held anything. Out of frustration, she blamed my grandparents (though researchers have only speculated that heredity may be one of the causes of MS). She even put her sister -- my mom -- on a guilt trip for having been fortunate enough to be married and have two healthy children. It's a completely helpless feeling to watch a healthy friend or relative take a turn for the worse, especially when it's someone you've virtually idolized as a little girl. But for me, living with such a large part of my immediate family strengthened bonds that could have easily frayed under such emotional pressure. Keeping this close connection, we have all persevered through Holly's illness. My grandfather could have easily gone golfing every week, as he did when he first retired. Instead, he stays and works around the house, not only to keep busy but also to help Holly if she needs anything. My grandmother, almost 70, continues to work to help pay medical bills. My parents remain constantly understanding even through my aunt's worst mood swings. Even my sister and I are there for simple, but essential, comic relief. The hardest part is the feeling that Holly is unable to appreciate anything we try to do for her. Still, to her credit, Holly hasn't just sat back and watched us. Since the earliest days of her diagnosis, she has always participated in the annual MS Walkathon, and it wasn't until this year's walkathon that I really began to see how grateful she truly is for all of our efforts. I hadn't participated in the walk for several years, mainly because it seemed like such a futile effort. What would getting up at 6 a.m. on a Sunday morning really do to help? But at the very last minute, frozen by the wind, I joined the rest of my family. When the walk was over, I expected Holly to pass over me again for even simple gratitude. Instead, I experienced genuine thanks, as she enthusiastically introduced me and my sister to friends who had come along to support her. My grandmother reminded me afterwards how overjoyed Holly was to see that everyone had come out to join her, not only her blood relatives but the "extended family" of friends she has met since she got sick. I really began to see how just a little caring can mean more than a multitude of prescriptions. As a recent college graduate, I'm now at the same point in my life as Holly was when the effects of her MS began. I know I cannot take anything for granted, especially my freedom of movement, something she only enjoyed for a brief part of her life. Through her, I also know being afflicted with a disease doesn't mean I can just give up. Even when the odds are against me, I have to keep going. But most importantly, though, I've learned through this whole experience with my family that, no matter what, I have a wonderful, even extraordinary, support group around me that will always catch me before I fall. :: Jennifer Hixson Jennifer is currently GoodThings' spring intern. She recently earned her Bachelor's degree in English/Creative Writing from the University of Washington and hopes to pursue a career in writing and publishing. She also plans to be actively involved in the UW Husky Alumni Band. Her favorite goodthings? (Thoughts on Jennifer's GoodLetter? Inspired by what you've read? E-mail us -- don't forget to tell us your name, where you're from, and if we can use your words in a future GoodLetter or on our Web site.) |
TALK ABOUT IT Do you live in an unusual extended-family unit? What has your experience been like? How has your family supported you through life's most difficult times? Share your stories and ideas. LEARN ABOUT IT :: National Multiple Sclerosis Society (US) :: Multiple Sclerosis Foundation :: Multiple Sclerosis Association of America :: Multiple Sclerosis Education Network :: Multiple Sclerosis International Federation (UK) :: Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada :: Multiple Sclerosis Society of Australia DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT :: Show your support for people with multiple sclerosis and participate in an MS Walk, Challenge Walk, or Bike near you. :: Support the work of the National MS Society. Readers Respond Want to share your thoughts or ideas with other people who care about good things? Send 'em our way.
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