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February 4, 2012 | |||||||
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 A New American Family Ellen Cady, Seattle, Washington April 12, 2001 The case of the American twins caught in the midst of an impossible, trans-Atlantic custody battle has dominated recent news of adoptions across international borders. But the news is not always heartbreaking. The circumstances of international adoption are creating altogether different but entirely special kinds of families. NEW Reader Responses are a goodthing! Follow along by clicking here. Contribute your thoughts to the "New American Family" conversation below. Dear fellow GoodLetter readers, Moral questions. We all experience them, don't we? Three years ago my mother and stepfather announced to my brother and me that they hoped to adopt a little girl from China. They had tossed the idea around for some time, pondering the "what ifs," often wondering aloud: "Are we nuts?" Their friends were planning retirement, not thinking about nursery school. And was the idea of bringing an ethnic child to this tiny backwoods town an unwise one? Or would love conquer small town ways? In the end, they decided that bringing a child from a Chinese orphanage, where stark white walls surrounded two babies in each crib, to their yellow Maine farmhouse, overlooking a pond and surrounded by lush woods and vibrant hills, just had to be the right choice. As their grown-up kids, we agreed. A year of legalities set in. With the exhaustive documentation and endless home visits, it was easy to wonder if it was really worth it. But this was not a package waiting to be picked up; this was a child, life's most precious cargo. Finally, one sunny September afternoon, the call came in. There was a two-year-old child who liked to dance and play with trucks. She smiled a lot, and her name was Ting. Were they interested? Six weeks later, they traveled to China, where they spent two weeks getting to know Ting and her culture. It was a whirlwind of delicious food, stunning sights, and soul-searching. Soon, though, they were recovering from exhaustion and only dreaming of Tongling, the city where Ting was born. They awoke to a new reality. They were a family in Maine, far from the busy orphanage or the skyscraping international hotel. They were in the little farmhouse that overlooked the glistening pond, where the frogs chirped songs in the summer and the neighborhood kids skated in winter. The new family was home. Ting's dry skin was still sallow and her hair was thin, but her eyes held tremendous spark. Toddling around in her new home, she bonded with the dog and cats. If her new Mama was washing the dishes, then Ting washed, too. If her Baba was running the vacuum, then so would she. Ting would shed her clothes inside the warm cozy house, despite the fact it was during the depths of winter. She preferred her nakedness to clothing that perhaps held reminders of her heavy garb in the unheated orphanage. It was as if she'd attained a freedom she never knew existed and could now never be without. As for the neighbors, they came in droves and rejoiced in the town's newest resident. Some arrived armed with a teddy bear or a hand-knit sweater, others with delicious meals for the new family. The next-door neighbor's daughter became Ting's daily playmate. Friends offered to baby-sit and relatives traveled long and far for a glimpse of the family's fresh new face. Ting's everyday appearances at the market and post office delighted the townsfolk. "Good morning, Miss Ting," they'd say. Ting was a superstar. Not because she was Chinese or because she was adopted. She was a star illuminated by the love of this tiny town. In turn, her star had quickly nourished the town's soul. Best, Ellen Cady (e-mail Ellen) A few of Ellen's favorite goodthings: My new husband. The whrrr of the espresso machine. Crisp, clean sheets. Seasons. Cooking for friends. Warming up by a roaring, crackling fire. Catching a big fish on a tiny fly, and then letting it go. Open-toed shoes, flip-flops, being barefoot. Fresh baked chocolate-chip cookies. Portland, Maine. Snowshoeing in the midst of the trees. Being a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a friend. TALK ABOUT IT Share your own heartwarming stories of adoption and the special families it creates. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT A reader wrote to us about the international adoption organization Half the Sky -- "Theirs is a pragmatic approach to a difficult international problem, all done on a down-home level by real folks." Support their organization. LEARN MORE ABOUT IT First Person Plural is Deann Borshay Liem's moving, award-winning documentary on the experience of growing up in an adoptive California home, far from her Korean birthplace. The film's companion siteis rich with resources. Want to read more about international adoption? Try The Lost Daughters of China: Abandoned Girls, Their Journey to America, and the Search for a Missing Past by Karin Evans and Anchee Min. Get your copy. Readers Respond Dear goodthings, Thank you for sharing. Ting is a lucky young lady. And that town in Maine is the kind of place everyone should live. Thank you for sharing. It is not what happens to us, it is how we respond to what happens to us. Annette Naish Austin, Texas Want to share your thoughts or ideas with other people who care about good things? Send 'em our way. |
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